Bobbi's Blog

...And you thought YOUR job was bad!!!

Aug 12

Written by: Bobbi Maxwell
8/12/2008 3:54 PM 

 

Think YOUR boss or employer is tough....check out this hilarious "mock" email making internet rounds! Guess you've got it good, huh? Too funny!  Bobbi

NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES 
  
Effective August 2008 
  
Dress Code 
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag , we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise. 
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 
  
Sick Days 
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 
  
HolidayDays 
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. 
  
Compassionate Leave 
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. 
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 
  
Toilet Use 
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. 
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken. 
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. 
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. 
  
Lunch Break 
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 
  
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. 
  
  

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20 comment(s) so far...

Re: ...And you thought YOUR job was bad!!!

This is great! The way some offices are out there, I wouldn't be surprised if a few people would consider enacting this. Thanks, it's the laugh I needed before heading off to work.

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Bobbi's Bio

Bobbi Maxwell is another of the "home-grown" members of the WARM 98 Airstaff. Having grown up in the West Chester area, she attended the Lakota School district, where she made the early decision to get into the broadcasting field after seeing an "easy credit" opportunity by taking the high school's Radio Broadcasting I course. Little did she know the microphone would become her bread and butter as well as music her passion.

Bobbi also briefly attended Miami University/Middletown, but not long enough to become a full-fledged Redhawks fan... her closet is instead filled with UC Bearcats logos...after being a long-time season ticket holder, even through the lean years!

She is also a single mom of two daughters, Dana and Hannah, and resides on the east side of town.

Bobbi's time away from the station is usually spent with her girls, her extended family of eight brothers and sisters, or with her yellow lab puppy, Marley and cat, Lucky !

Bobbi also loves to read, garden, go to yard sales, concerts and movies, as well as travel and of course, listen to music! 

Twenty Questions with Bobbi Maxwell

1. What’s your most embarrassing moment in radio?
About six months after I had Hannah (now a teenager), I did a station event and a listener came up to me and asked when the baby was due! Instant diet!

2. What do you love the most about Cincinnati?
It’s heritages…1st team in baseball, German beer and food, Eastside-Westside clashes, etc.

3. Where is the furthest that you have ever traveled?
Costa Rica in 2005 with one of my best friends! It was truly a “Thelma and Louise” road trip around this breathtaking country!

4. What song makes you get us and dance?
“Dancing in the Dark”—Bruce Springstein—Courtney Cox was so lucky!

5. What is your favorite season?
Absolutely FALL! I love wearing sweaters, football games, low energy bills and frizz free hair days!

6. What is the college sports team that you cheer for?
I’m a UC fan…but it’s been a rough few years!!

7. Who is your celebrity crush? 
Weird...they all seem to be dark haired/dark eyed actors! Matthew Fox (Lost),  Dermot Mulroney, The "Rock", Tim Daly, Taye Diggs, John Mayer....do I need to go on?

8. What is the first concert you attended?
Early 70’s—Donny Osmond at the Cincinnati Gardens. I think I was sure he was singing “Puppy Love” to me!

9. What are the top 3 TV shows you must watch?
“Desperate Housewives,” “American Idol,” and “Lost.”

10. What are your pet peeves?
Two-faced people, people who talk during movies, and “name throwers” who are trying to impress me.

11. What is your biggest quirk at work?
I won’t eat certain foods before or while I’m on the air. Most dairy foods change the tone of my voice!

12. What foods do you despise?
Sweet potatoes, radishes, and cranberry sauce

13. What is your favorite way to relax?
Reading a good book/magazine curled up on the couch with no one else home

14. What is the place that you want to visit the most?
Italy, France and Scotland…its where my ancestors are from.

15. What are your phobias?
Running into a spider web, fear of falling (ever since my horse accident)

16. What is on your Ipod?
Lots of dance songs because I usually only use it to workout!—Beyonce, Madonna, Justin and lots of 80’s!

17. What is one item that you wish you still had?
My teenage figure!!

18. What is your favorite place to shop?
Anywhere that my mom, 5 sisters and I decide to make a “shopping” weekend…Gatlinburg, Amish Country, etc.

19. What is your worst habit?
Worrying what others think of me! But the older I get, the less I care!

20. Tell the Warm 98 listeners 5 things that they do not know about you!
1. I dream every night…including a recurring dream I’m in a tornado.
2. I have a slight clothes shopping addiction!
3. My family (brothers, sisters and their spouses & kids) is a biological and adopted mix of Caucasians, black, Chinese, Peruvian, and Polynesian! We make quite the international family photo!
4. Normally, if I see you cry, I cry!
5. I left home on my own at 17 for Las Vegas to pursue my radio career. My dad said I’d be home in two weeks. And although I was homesick, I stayed out west for two years to prove him wrong! Don’t ever challenge me!